Fleur Returns!
by Draco Malfoy2
Summary: This was the the first place winner of the 2nd ACHOO! fic challenge! What the title says: Fleur comes back, and she cause some problems! Warning: Insaness ahead! Please Read and Review


Fleur Returns!  
  
by Draco Malfoy  
  
  
  
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A/N: Hi everybody! I'm a new member at ACHOO! This is my first ACHOO challenge (obviously)! Anyway, these are the requirements for this challenge:  
  
  
  
*Someone has to say "Tu es un gateau de fruit", which, in French, means "You are a fruitcake."  
  
*Must be a/l 500 words long and funny  
  
*The setting has to be in the house of a Hogwarts professor or student, for at least part of the story  
  
*There must be... *dun dun dun* BOY BANDS!!! SCARY!!!  
  
*Someone must turn into a watermelon at random times, at least twice.  
  
  
  
But then, the founder of ACHOO (The Right Honorable Emerald Aurora) e-mailed all the members, peeved that no one had entered the challenge yet, and allowed everyone to take one requirement off. It'll probably be the funny part, but I'll try to put as much funniness as I can into it. You'll find out.   
  
That's about it. Go read the story!  
  
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~Opens in the Burrow with Ron talking to Harry about a latest Cannons' victory and Hermione with her   
  
nose in a book (of course)~  
  
  
  
RON: .... And then he dove down and circled around the other player, then zoomed up and caught the snitch!  
  
  
  
HARRY: Uh..., wow. Amazing, Ron.  
  
  
  
RON: Isn't it though? And I can't believe how...  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Honestly, Ron, can't you stop talking for just a few minutes? I'm trying to study up for next years  
  
classes!  
  
  
  
RON: Well, sooooorry! We can't stand in the way of her studies, can we Harry?  
  
  
  
HARRY: Uh...  
  
  
  
~ The fireplace flairs up and out steps...~  
  
  
  
FLEUR: Bonjour, amies!  
  
  
  
RON, HARRY, AND HERMIONE: Fleur!  
  
  
  
~Ron faints dead away. Hermione slaps him and he gets up. Mrs. Weasley calls from the back of the house.~  
  
  
  
MRS. WEASLEY: Ron, dear, I almost forgot to tell you. The Delacours, you know, Fleur's family, sent us an   
  
owl and asked if Fleur could board here to learn more about Britain! She'll be here anytime now! Go tell   
  
Ginny to clean here room, Fleur's sleeping in there!  
  
  
  
RON: ~Mutters~ Now she tells me...  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: She's here, Mrs. Weasley!  
  
  
  
MRS. WEASLEY: Oh good heavens! The house is filthier than a dragon's den!  
  
  
  
RON: It looks fine, Mum!  
  
  
  
~All attention is diverted back to Fleur~  
  
  
  
FLEUR: I ask'd ma mere and pere if I cou'd come 'ere as I know vous all bes'. I am VERY 'appy to meet 'choo   
  
again, Ronald.  
  
  
  
RON: Ah.... umm.... er... hi. Erm... ahhh... Welcome.  
  
  
  
~Ron goes red and then, without any warning, turns into a watermelon. Fred and George (apparently watching   
  
from behind a wall), come waltzing into the room, snickering.~  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: I assume you two have something to do with this?  
  
  
  
GEORGE: We...~snickers~...put a hex...ha!... on him...heehee...so that he'd turn into a watermelon...  
  
~happy sigh~ every time he got embarrassed!  
  
  
  
FRED: He looks better this way, though. I really think he does.  
  
  
  
HARRY: Come on, turn him back!  
  
  
  
FRED: All you have to do is tap him with your wand.  
  
  
  
~George gingerly walks over to the watermelon and taps it with his wand. Ron reappears in the melon's place.   
  
Ron turns to Fleur.~  
  
  
  
RON: ~Speaks nervously~ He he, sorry about that. Uh, those are my brothers, they do.. uh.. a lot of... that   
  
stuff. Oh, by the way, Welcome!  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: You said that already, Ronald.  
  
  
  
RON: I did? Oh, well, He he, just a slip of the tongue, yeh know? He he. ~Nervously looks around. Everyone   
  
is staring at him.~  
  
  
  
HARRY: ~Mutters~ That or a slip of the mind...  
  
  
  
~Fleur sighs and puts her head in her hand.~  
  
  
  
FLEUR: Tu es un gateau de fruit... But non-ze-less, I am 'ere to larn about yoor ways here. What do vous do?  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Well, muggles often go to concerts. I went to one last summer with some of my muggle friends,   
  
it was fun.  
  
  
  
FLEUR: Well, let's go to un!  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Why not? Ron, go get a muggle newspaper from the village.  
  
  
  
~Ron is only staring at Fleur~  
  
  
  
HARRY: Ron? Wake up...  
  
  
  
RON: Oh, yeah, sure. A muggle newspaper...  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Well, then, get a going!  
  
  
  
~Ron walks out of the room backwards, staring at Fleur. Hermione and Harry sigh.~  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Come on, Fleur. Let's get you and your stuff up to Ginny's room.  
  
  
  
~They walk up the stairs together, chattering back and forth. Many giggles come from the staircase.   
  
Harry shakes his head. A yell comes from the hall.~  
  
  
  
RON: Oh my gosh! Was I looking at her all that time?  
  
  
  
~A thump is heard. Harry runs out to turn Ron back into himself from this fruitish state.~  
  
  
  
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~Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Fleur are standing outside a concert hall, waiting for the doors to open.~  
  
  
  
FLEUR: What is ze name of zis ban', 'Erminee?  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: The Sound Waves! They are like, totally cool!  
  
  
  
~Harry and Ron eye Hermione oddly.~  
  
  
  
HARRY: Since when did you start talking like that?  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Since I started going to concerts with my muggle friends. I think there's some unwritten law   
  
with muggles that you have to talk like this when you go to a concert.   
  
  
  
RON: Really? Well, seeing as this is a muggle concert hall, let's talk that way.  
  
  
  
HARRY, HERMIONE, AND FLEUR: OK!  
  
  
  
HARRY: I can seriously like totally not wait for this happening concert to start!  
  
  
  
FLEUR: Zis is goin' to be like completely cool and like amazin'!  
  
  
  
RON: Like, you know this is going to be hip and groovy!  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Your voice may be right, Ron, but you're choice of words is from the sixties!  
  
  
  
RON: Like, shut your total trap!  
  
  
  
~The doors of the hall open. The group eventually reaches the front of the line and starts to pay.~  
  
  
  
FLEUR: 'Ow many sickles?  
  
  
  
ATTENDANT: Er.. What?  
  
  
  
~Ron turns into a watermelon again. The attendant gapes at both Fleur and the watermelon.~  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: ~Hisses out of the side of her mouth.~ Fleur! This is a muggle place!  
  
  
  
~Harry cuts in.~  
  
  
  
HARRY: Wow, like, how much do we seriously need to totally pay?  
  
  
  
~The attendant blinks and shakes his head.~  
  
  
  
ATTENDANT: ~Mutters~ I am not really here, I am not really here... ~Speaks normally~ Three pounds   
  
for the lot of you.  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Like, here you go.  
  
  
  
~Hermione slams the money on the counter, picks up the Ron-melon and leads Fleur and Harry in. The   
  
attendant is left scratching his head and reaching for some pills...~  
  
  
  
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~The groups of teens have since stopped talking like valley girls, but only after annoyed concert-goers tried   
  
to strangle them. Ron has since been changed back into a wizard.~  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: I can't wait for this concert to start! They have the best music!  
  
  
  
HARRY: What kind of music does this band play? Muggle rock, country?  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Well, they're...  
  
  
  
~A voice booms from a speaker nearby.~  
  
  
  
VOICE: And now, the Sound Waves!  
  
  
  
~A group of muggles males in their early twenties burst out on the stage and started signing a slow song.   
  
The females in the audience (the majority) burst out screaming. Hermione was no exception.~  
  
  
  
HARRY AND RON: A boy band!   
  
  
  
RON: Noooo!  
  
  
  
HARRY: Heaven help us!  
  
  
  
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~The two wizards and two witches have left the concert hall. They are cramped on a sidewalk with many   
  
other muggles who have just left the concert hall. Fleur burst out in praise for "The Sound Waves" loud   
  
enough for every other person on the block to hear:~  
  
  
  
FLEUR: Zat band wooz better zen ze Wyrd Seesters.  
  
  
  
~Heads turn and eye Fleur strangely. Ron turns into a watermelon.~  
  
  
  
A VOICE FROM THE CROWD: Witches! Burn them!  
  
  
  
~The crowd chases after the already running teenagers.~  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: When did we get transported to the 18th century?  
  
  
  
WATERMELON: MMMPHMHHPPMHPP!  
  
  
  
~Harry taps the watermelon with his wand.~  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: What were you saying?  
  
  
  
RON: I was saying, Maybe we're on the wrong side of town.  
  
  
  
HARRY: Yeah, maybe.  
  
  
  
A VOICE FROM BEHIND: There they are! Get them, kill the witches!   
  
  
  
~The teens start running again.~  
  
  
  
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~Harry, Ron, Fleur, and Hermione are safely back at the Burrow. Ron is nursing some cuts he got from the   
  
crowd, and Hermione is reading. Harry and Fleur are chatting amiably.~  
  
  
  
FLEUR: As I wooz zaying, 'Arry, zat conzert wooz amoosing, but eet wooz not wot ve do back in Franze for fun.  
  
  
  
HARRY: Well then, what do you do for fun?  
  
  
  
~Fleur smiles evilly.~  
  
  
  
FLEUR: All of vous com vit moi...  
  
  
  
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HERMIONE: What are we doing in an interent mainframe shack in the middle of nowhere?  
  
  
  
FLEUR: Ve are goin' to caws 'n outage for ~Fleur galnces around and then points to a lever marked   
  
"Fanfiction.net"~ zis site.  
  
  
  
AUTHOR: You can't do that! I'm a member of that site! Do you know how much trouble would be   
  
caused by you doing that? And this is my story! Get back to the Burrow!  
  
  
  
HARRY: Aren't we entitled to some fun in our own story?  
  
  
  
AUTHOR: No! And beside, wasn't the concert fun?  
  
  
  
HARRY AND RON: Of course not!  
  
  
  
HERMIONE: Do it, Fleur! Now those annoying writers won't be writing annoying stories about us for a while!  
  
  
  
~Fleur flips the lever. Meanwhile, over the ocean...~  
  
  
  
XING: Nooooo! Flourish, we've got a problem! Steven, get to work!  
  
  
  
  
  
The end!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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A/N: Heh heh! I couldn't find a proper ending, and then I thought about a story challenge I read about on   
  
the ff.net mailing list to explain why ff.net has been down this August!  
  
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